A little different than my typical blog...

Even though I'm in school -- I'm still going to write. I hate school, not because I don't do the work, I'm an honor student... But because no one here understands the pressure I feel. OCD is an anxitey disorder, when put on the spot I often feel anxious and very uncomfortable. My teacher gets to me sometimes when he tells me to not be nervous. I wish I could be comfortable with my environment but not here.

Do you fear death?

"I don't want to kill myself, but I fear that I might. I hate taking the Tube for panic that I will leap in front of a train, and won't cycle any more for fear that I will deliberately crash into a bus or car."

polkadotshoes I saw this post on a webpage after searching for answers. I have a the same fears, I always thought I was alone until I decided to do some research... I'm not alone... A Necessary Solution to OCD Thoughts and Behavior - Challenge the Fear! "Fear imprisons, faith liberates; fear paralyzes, faith empowers; fear disheartens, faith encourages; fear sickens, faith heals; fear makes useless, faith makes serviceable." - Harry Emerson Fosdick "I have not ceased being fearful, but I have ceased to let fear control me. I have accepted fear as a part of life-specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown and I have gone ahead despite the pounding in my heart that says: turn back, turn back, you'll die if you venture too far." Erica Jong "Kill the snake of doubt in your soul, crush the worms of fear in your heart and mountains will move out of your way." Kate Seredy "Do what you fear and fear disappears." - David Joseph Schwartz "What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it." - Krishnamurti - I'm so glad to hear that others have the same thoughts as I. They're terrifying, and they hurt your inner-self. OCD is extremely difficult to over-come but with the help you can do it. I never thought so but trust me... After the first Cognitive-behavioral therapy session a little "light bulb" like feeling changed my whole thought process. I went to see a new therapist a few days ago-- "It's like when your body tells you to jump off a cliff but you don't want it, it's like you can't trust yourself." I couldn't believe that those words actually came out of her mouth. I felt for once in my life, I had help. I had help to overcome this awful thought process. If you have any intrusive thoughts, tell someone. You're not alone. I have had many thoughts of killing myself, even though I know I WILL NOT. It's the most scary thing that you could go through. The visions of killing myself definitely helped myself grow up a little bit. "Ignore Unwanted Obsessions. View them as random, intrusive, unwanted thoughts that go running through your brain to which you have attached meaning. Treat them as a rude, unwelcome acquaintance that comes to call without an invitation that you have no obligation to give them time of day. Tell yourself, "That is just a silly thought; I won't give this nasty thought free rent in my brain. I won't allow myself to entertain such thoughts." Remember, thoughts may come in, but you don't have to give them permission to stick around and run your life!" -Michael Jenike, MD Medical Director Diane Davey, RN, MBA Program Director Don't keep it to yourself, tell someone as soon as possible.